Are You Letting This One Thing Ruin Your Relationship?

Is it worth it?

CLEO phubbing

We know better than to use our phone excessively, if at all, during the first few dates. But once we start getting comfortable in a relationship, we don’t always maintain that level of etiquette, and sometimes even become guilty of “phubbing”.

Phubbing (a portmanteau of “phone” and “snubbing”) is when we ignore someone in favour of our smartphone, and unsurprisingly a recent study by Baylor University found that it can greatly deteriorate the health of a relationship. It also found that, on average, we check our phones 150 times a day (sure sounds a bit much).

If you regularly scroll through your phone while talking to your partner, you’ve been phubbing. It may seem harmless, but you probably never really listen to what they’re saying and only offer half-hearted replies. No one appreciates feeling unimportant, and the overall lack of engagement could slowly but surely destroy your relationship.

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Moreover, the study found that those with an anxious attachment type get more affected by phubbing than those with other attachment styles. So if your lover falls on the insecure end of the spectrum, he’s more likely to be put off by your behaviour as he sees it as personal rejection.

Not that phubbing is otherwise OK–we should always respect someone else’s time and attention. The solution? Simply put your phone away. It can be hard resisting the urge to check it every two minutes, but you really don’t have to know about the latest updates on Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat immediately, and those posts will still be up two hours later.

Practice makes perfect, and with time and effort you’ll find it easier to focus on your special someone. Unless you want out, don’t let phubbing wreck your relationship.

Image: Wang Tom/ 

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