Depending on how much you genuinely enjoy the company of your family, Chinese New Year can be great. Like, I-can’t-believe-I-finally-have-an-excuse-to-buy-new-clothes great. But unlike the CNY-centric commercials about happy reunions you always see on television, IRL, there will always be that one annoying relative who spoils your day.
You know, an aunty who is more concerned with your dating life than her daughter’s, an uncle who behaves like he lives in an era where women still bind their feet or a cousin who likes to #flex even when no one asked.
Does the idea of meeting them stress you out? Dr Grace Huang, a resident doctor at DTAP Clinic Robertson, says it’s important to take care of yourself before you meet them. “Stress can be compounded. Even if it feels difficult, try to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep the night before. Squeeze in some exercise before or even in between visiting relatives and friends. And even if those snacks or alcohol seem seductively displayed on the table at every family you visit, you may want to step back a little and snack just a little, because excessive snacking or drinking can put more stress on your body, and you will feel even worse after.”
Slept like a baby but the incessant questions are still stressing you out? Dr Huang suggests taking a break from the interaction. “Your sanity and happiness come first! Excuse yourself momentarily, be it to get some water, or to go to the washroom. Take a breather for five minutes or more, to collect your thoughts before you rejoin the conversation. You can also join another conversation, if the group is large enough.”
Of course, while some of us are non-confrontational, Leos would agree that you gotta stand up for what’s right. Which is why we’ve prepared some clapbacks for the greater good aka finally getting them to shut up. You’re welcome.
PS: We don’t guarantee that relationships won’t be ruined. Please censor accordingly.
The everything-must-ask cousin
Them: Can I ask a stupid question?
You: Ya, you quite qualified what?
The flexin’ uncle (based on a true story)
Them: Girl ah, must marry a man with power. I got 100 men under me.
You: You work at a cemetery is it?
The everything-got-comment aunty
Them: Girl ah, why your hair so dry?
You: Just like the bee hoon you cooked lor.
The aunty who knows how to push people’s buttons
Them: Girl ah, you look better without glasses leh!
You: Ya, you look better without them too.
The “I always feel personally attacked” uncle
Them: Girl ah, you trying to act smart with me?
You: You know what smart is? Wah, li hai.
The superior-than-thou aunty
Them: Girl ah, why your face like this?
You: You know we have the same surname, right?
The cousin who’s thinks “I’m sexy, I’m cute, I’m popular to boot”
Them: You still single ah? I got a man who loves me!
You: Ya, it’s called a father.
The everyone-is-wrong-only-I-am-right uncle
Them: Girl ah, you made a lot of mistakes last year hor?
You: Ya, this year also. Like coming here lor.
This article was brought to you by the BFG, aka the Bitchy Fashion Guy. The BFG likes drinking like a sorority girl during summer break, buying clothing without a care for fiscal responsibility and the occasional 4am 20 McNuggets box binge. For more of his reviews, click here.