Over the past decade, I’ve had my fortune told several times, in several different ways, under different cultural contexts. Apart from the numerous Tarot readings I’ve sat through, I’ve had my palm read and my life charted out by multiple mediums in various counties—even in the mythical land that is Bhutan. I also tried past life regression once. It was pretty WTF, and in a bad way. But that’s another story.

The conclusion I’ve come to after having gone for this many readings? Most of the time, I’d have been better off using the money to buy my friends drinks. At least I start hearing some truths when once they start to get drunk.


But not every fortune teller is without merit—I saw a couple that seemed legit. And no, it’s not because they said what I wanted to hear. It’s because they brought up really specific things they shouldn’t otherwise have known about. Yes, maybe they were just good at reading people and guessing s**t, but while I don’t think many of these psychics of sorts are the real deal, I do think a select few deserve the benefit of the doubt.

So when I was offered a face reading consultation with Team Joey Yap, I wanted to see which side of the fence I’d be on after the session. After all, if it’s not already obvious, I have a thing for alternative practices.

The reading

I met with Amber Auyong, a consultant with the company, at their office in Paya Lebar. Amber was warm, easy to talk to and pretty knowledgeable about the discipline. But I won’t bore you with the details—that’s not what you’re here for.

So here’s my face in a picture that’s way too big. Read on to find out what she had to say about it, and what I thought of her reading.

Amber started with my ears. She said that my fleshy earlobes are a sign that I know how to enjoy the finer things in life, but that I had an unhappy childhood because my ears are uneven. Well, I like nice things as much as the other person, and while I wasn’t the happiest kid around, it’s probably not hard to tell since I don’t exactly have a sunny personality as an adult.

She then moved on to my eyebrows. She pointed out that they aren’t too thick or sparse, and commented that I must be pretty good at teamwork and get along well with my siblings. I don’t suppose that I’m a good judge of whether or not I’m a decent team player, but I won’t say that my sister and I are without our differences.

The one thing I could relate to though was when she said that I can be quite a pessimist. My glass does tend to get half-empty, and more often than not, I just knock it over.


Amber then touched on my “property palace”, which is the area between the eyelids and the brow. She concluded that I’m the sort who would much prefer a spacious house. It’s a sentiment I’d think everyone else shares, but nevertheless, I smiled when she let on that I also have an “affinity” with bigger houses. Not going to disagree with that, no. Give me the keys to my castle already.

Next was my eyes, which she emphasised repeatedly is the window to my soul. She said that because mine are currently “quite alert”, I likely do not suffer from any emotional issues—at least not now.

This is not something I find untrue: I’ve had far worse days, and the only things I’ve been troubled by recently is how my room is always either too cold or too warm. But, to be fair, it’s pretty easy to tell when someone’s in a bad place, and I reckon it’s not a skill unique to face reading.

Then, we got to my “life palace”, which is the area from between the brows to the tip of the nose. Amber said that I’m not petty or narrow-minded but pointed out that I can be quite a spendthrift. I’d humbly agree with all the points, but if I may be honest, that really just sounds like the average millennial.


The last bit we got to was my mouth. She said mine is a tad big in proportion to my face—which made me raise an eyebrow because I’ve been teased about my small lips many times before—but that it’s nothing to worry about. She also said that my somewhat distinct cupid’s bow means that I’m a good communicator, and that I’m as such tactful, convincing and good at keeping secrets.

I wasn’t sure if she was telling me this because I write for a living, but I must admit it was nice to hear. #OKcan

My verdict

Did I walk away with a better sense of myself? Well, no, but much as I didn’t find the session particularly enlightening, the reading made me pay more attention to certain red flags. For example, I don’t watch my spending as much as I should, and getting called out on something that’s actually true made me sit up. Not gonna lie—I thought about how I can better plan my finances all the way home. I mean, we’re always trying to be a better version of ourselves, right?


The one thing Amber didn’t do was delve deep into my flaws, which I reckon was out of kindness and courtesy. I’m sure I’d have gained some perspective just by hearing about them, but I wasn’t in the mood to beat myself up over stuff, so I decided not to ask.

If you do give face reading a go and want to find a way to benefit from it, it’s worth asking about both the good and the bad. IMHO, a reading like that, even if not entirely accurate, can help you pick up on the small things you may otherwise miss (or sweep under the carpet).

As it is, I was wondering what sort of team player I am all weekend. Guess I’ll go ask CLEO Associate Digital Editor and see what she thinks.