I once heard that when two people meet for the first time they’re actually speaking to their representatives – an emotionally and socially best-dressed version of themselves that, although attractive and enticing, cannot be maintained for any substantial length of time. It makes sense, of course. I’d probably do a lot better on the dating scene if I hid the majority of my crazy the first time I met a potential boyfriend. But I’m very much a take-it-or-leave-it sort of girl and I’ve found the sooner someone gets to know the real me, the better it is for all involved. Oh yes, I’ll be polite and kind and generous (I am actually a nice person!) but I won’t shy away from controversial subject matters or pretend to be really into his favourite bands just for the sake of being a ‘good date’.
Occasionally, I wish I was someone who delighted in a potential relationship’s debut meeting. I imagine it would be nice to feel more excited than anxious about socializing with someone who may or may not become a very important person in your life – but I just can’t seem to get giddy about it.
It’s not like I’ve had really awful experiences out there in the big, bad dating world. Sure, I’ve been stood up, judged harshly for my pop music preferences and told “I’m never going to meet the love of my life on Tinder” while on a Tinder date, but in the grand scheme of horror stories, it’s all pretty tame. I think my aversion to dinner and drinks with strangers has more to do with the fact that I don’t really date people. I either go out with someone for three hours or three years – I’m not so good at the in-between.
Anyway, I say all of this because I have a first date tonight (yay?) and, while covering up the gigantic zit that’s suddenly appeared on my chin (typical), I’ve been thinking about some of my other FDs dos and don’ts. Please note, I have done all of these things, so am speaking from experience.
I won’t buy a new outfit.
You don’t want to feel uncomfortable in too-tight jeans or a dress that rides up whenever you walk. Constantly fidgeting does not make a confident demeanour, and anyway, you’re likely to jinx things if you spend two weeks’ wages on a guy you don’t know. Don’t ask me why – it’s like how you pick up a random hottie when you’re wearing your most embarrassing underwear. It must be science or something.
I will sleep with him if I want to.
Ugh. I’m so board of advice telling women to hold out for three or four dates before sleeping with a new guy lest he loses respect for you. If he thinks less of you for participating in an activity that wouldn’t have been possible without his involvement, trust me, he’s a douche and not someone you want to waste your time with anyway.
I won’t become a Grade-A clinger.
It’s totally fine to let him know what a lovely time you had but try to leave it at that. If he wants to see you again, he’ll ask you out. But if not, cut your losses, girlfriend. NEXT!
Text: Jessica Martin
Images: mettus / 123RF.com, Alexander Raths / 123RF.com