As your mother would have told you, there are all kinds of people in this world. Which is why we need to be careful about who we meet or date. But in the age of dating apps like Tinder, where one can assume a façade online, there’s little chance you can avoid stepping on a landmine because the a possibility of being catfished or lead on by a seemingly nice guy is pretty high. After all, we’ve all read negative or horrifying Tinder experiences by Singaporeans.
But one Singaporean teacher found herself in an unpleasant situation after a date (we’ll refer to her as Teacher in this article because her real name wasn’t shared). A Facebook post shared by Teacher’s friend recounted Teacher’s text messages with a guy on Tinder who sometimes goes by the alias Nowe.
According to the post, the two went on a date on December 30 after matching on Tinder. However, she left earlier because she had a volunteering stint. When she later rejected him via WhatsApp, he started getting aggressive. He “started insulting her and her family, and even threatened to go to her workplace … to ‘lodge a complaint’ against her,” Teacher’s friend wrote.
In the screenshots of the WhatsApp conversations that were shared, it seems Nowe wasn’t appeased after Teacher told him that they weren’t “suitable”.
“So now what?” he asked. And when she answered, “Move on with life?”
It’s not clear if he had called her then because a minute later, she wrote, “Wait, you wanna talk on the phone, you need to give me a while and wait till my mum’s friends leave. I’m going to my room in a while anyway.”
He replied, “Then you call me back. Since you bear so much grievances towards me. You can trash them all out at me.”
Teacher wrote, “I don’t have a lot of grievances towards you, like what you said. We only met once. You need to chill.”
And that’s when things escalated quickly, as he started getting aggressive and accused her of being self-entitled. He also started sending her photos of her that he took off her Facebook page and said, “The whole world will know about you.”
He added, “And I can find your workplace. And lodge a complaint.”
He continued sending more photos to her, and said “If this is how you want to play, I will return you the favour.”
At this point, she clarified, “I merely went out once with you to get to know each other better.”
He didn’t seem appeased and said, “I have been very nice. Giving you my sincerity and all. But you chose to cross the line.”
He started calling her a coward and bombarding her with profanities. “… teacher big f*** is it” he wrote, before adding “You think you are some Miss Universe is it. Any guy can just throw money in your face and go to bed with you, you hear that?”
He also threatened to lodge a police report against her (we’re unsure what case he has against her) and continued insulting her.
Teacher proceeded to block him on WhatsApp after his rant, so he took it to the good old SMS and Facebook Messenger. This time round, he dragged in her whole family and started insulting her parents.
He also claimed she lied to him because she had told him that she had to leave early because of work, and then told him it was a volunteering stint.
His insults included asking her to prostitute herself at Geylang.
After Teacher’s friend shared this story on Instagram via Instagram stories, some girls came forward to share their creepy encounters with the same guy.
According to one girl, she encountered him when she was working in retail sales. He claimed to be part of a voluntary initiative called Bare Your Feet and that he was making a collage of people’s soles. (We checked, there’s only Bare Your Soles, a volunteer group that helps the elderly, the disabled and people with low-income who live alone clean their houses.)
Although she declined initially, she finally relented upon his insistence. “He was basically smoothing his hands on my soles in a very uncomfortable way, [after] which I retreated immediately. Then I asked him what he was doing and he said, ‘Your feet are very smooth… do you take care of them?’” Disgusted, she left immediately.
Another girl shared her experience after matching him with him on Okcupid. “He started hurling vulgarities when I told him I didn’t want to meet up ([our] frequencies didn’t match). That was only on WhatsApp. And after I blocked him on WhatsApp, he started to scold me on SMS, etc.”
Another girl wrote, “Matched with him on Tinder sometime in October. At first, everything was fine, but he went bonkers after he added me on social media and started commenting that I had a lot of guy friends and such, which I found very weird and uncomfortable, so I started to not reply his messages. And then he started spamming calls and the insulting and scolding. Thank God I didn’t meet up with him. Horrible experience.”
A girl who went on a date with him recounted her experience with him in a gift shop. “So he picked up a rope and I casually asked what it was for, as a rope seems out of place in a gift shop. I regretted asking that question till today. [He said, ‘To tie you up.’ I can still remember it was the first time I felt a chill running from my head to my toes.”
What should you do when you find yourself in an uncomfortable during a date?
- Don’t be afraid to extricate yourself out of the situation
It’s OK to lie and say you have something on. Call someone to pick you up immediately if need be.
- Don’t go to secluded places with the person
If the person is giving off bad vibes, make sure you stay in a crowded area so they’re less likely to try anything weird with you. If they make a move, shout for help.
- Ask the restaurant staff for help
If you don’t think you can make it through the end of the date safely, ask the staff or anyone in the restaurant for help. Call the police if things get physical or if verbal altercations get out of control.
Remember, just because Tinder or Okcupid says you match with a guy, you don’t necessarily have to sit through a date with him if he gives off weird vibes. Of course, remember that can happen vice versa as well.