You totally hit it off with the guy on Tinder and you’re moving to the next step. No, not sex – not yet, at least. You’re finally going on a date with him. You’re a nervous wreck. What if he doesn’t like you in person? What if he thinks you’re too loud? Your brain is going to explode from the sheer amount of thoughts going through your mind but don’t fret, because guys experience the same thing. Rob Moran fills you in on what goes through his head before a date.

4.02pm: “Oh no, am I gonna have to get naked tonight? I haven’t done sit-ups in months (OK, years).”
Hollywood, the media and centuries of popular thought like to paint guys as sex-obsessed beacons of unimaginable depravity, but hey, we’re also vain! We’ll worry about the rolls and weird hair spots on our bodies and have gut-wrenching anxiety about our, ahem, performance since we’re probably something like two months out of practise. Then we will spend 20 minutes half-arsedly cramming in as many exercises as possible, hoping that our pecs might magically tighten like a balloon inflating. 

4.25pm: “I guess I should shave?”
Yes, now’s the time we finally put excessive effort into our grooming and start painfully trimming all those random strands popping out of our nose, ears and eyelids (yeah, that was a weird one).

4.45pm: “Argh, am I’m gonna have to do something tonight?”
The thought will hit us again as we’re in the shower, rubbing soap in places we’ve never put soap before.

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5.10pm: “Oh no, I hate all my shirts!”
The wardrobe freak-out is not exclusive to women. The shirt we planned to wear is probably lying under a dirty basketball by the bed, and we’ll ponder whether there’s time to rush out to buy a replacement, before coming to our senses and putting on whatever’s clean.

5.55pm: “Just hurry up, you’re gonna be late!”
We’ll yell as we check ourselves out in the mirror for the eleventy-hundredth time.

6.04pm: “What if I have to dance with her?”
Just another irrational, anxious thought that’ll hit us while we’re in the taxi on the way to the meeting spot (a bar, obviously). We’ll picture ourselves smoothly grinding like Usher, but we’re more likely to be drunkenly doing that weird arm-dance thing from the first Inbetweeners movie. 

6.16pm: “Uh-oh, I’m way too early.”
Punctuality’s good, but sitting on your own for 15 minutes waiting for your date to arrive is not the smoothest look. So, this is when we decide to take a walk around the block once or twice, checking out our reflection in the shopfronts and car windows, repeating mantras like, “Ask questions about her!”, “Don’t blab about yourself!”, “Listen!”, “Be funny!”, “Stick to wine, it’s classier!” and so on, until it’s late enough that we don’t look like an eager loser.

Stay tuned to find out his though process during the date.

Image: subbotina /
Text: Rob Morgan
Additional text: Hidayah Idris