DJ Khaled got into a bit of a controversy last weekend when an interview he did back in 2015 resurfaced. He said on a radio show that he could “never” perform oral sex, but expects it from his wife because he believes that a woman should “praise the man”.
“I believe the woman should praise the man, the king. If you hold it down for your woman, then the woman should praise… and the man should praise the Queen but you know… my way of praising is… how was dinner? You like the house you living in? You like all those clothes you’re getting?” he said.
The interviewer then asked if his wife could refuse to perform oral sex on him. DJ Khaled responded: “No that’s not OK… you have to understand… I am the King of the house.”
When the interviewer said that it’s unfair, DJ Khaled retorted with, “It’s different rules for men, you know what I’m saying?”
ok so I'm convinced he has the mind of a teenage boy pic.twitter.com/epzhPjceny
— Got Student Loans Homie Quan (@howcomeyousmell) May 4, 2018
The Internet subsequently exploded, with many calling out the music producer for his misogynistic remarks, and rightfully so. The fact that some people still think men have different rules in the bedroom is problematic, all the more so in the current climate after the #MeToo movement.
It should also be pointed out that just because someone is the main breadwinner of the family, it still doesn’t entitle that person to sex, or certain sex acts, from his spouse. And that’s what we should be addressing here if we want to create a safer and more sex-positive environment.
DJ Khaled’s claims are ridiculously misogynistic and abusive, and naturally, people were quick to react. But here’s what’s wrong with some of the backlash that he’s facing.
More from CLEO:
You’re seriously missing out man. Take it from someone who has pride and thoroughly enjoys pleasuring women. ?
You should grow up. https://t.co/hllmvQ8mSS
— #EvanRachelWould (@evanrachelwood) May 4, 2018
A King who doesn't is no King at all. https://t.co/Jg1GAlfIjI
— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) May 4, 2018
Shaming DJ Khaled just for being unwilling to go down on his partner? Bragging that you do, in fact, go down on women? News flash: that doesn’t make you better than him.
It’s reverse kink-shaming. You should never reduce someone’s worth just because of what they like to do in bed. Conversely, you also shouldn’t embarrass someone for not wanting to perform sexual acts that they’re not comfortable with.
To put it in a different context: if your friend tells you that she would never try giving blowjobs, would you have told her that she’s “seriously missing out” and then drag her for not even being willing to try? Exactly.
When it comes to sex, shaming is never the way to go – especially if we want to open up conversations and practice acceptance.
To be very clear, I’m not defending DJ Khaled’s statements here. I agree that his comments come from a very misogynistic viewpoint, and I think its part of a larger conversation that we should be having.
But by focussing on the fact that he doesn’t go down on his wife, rather than the motivations behind it, it’s distracting from the real issue here. And without understanding why some men feel this way, how are we going to address the problem properly, at its root cause?
Image: DJ Khaled’s Instagram