You’ve been spending a crazy amount of time together and he makes your heart go boom-boom, but you have yet to have “the talk” with each other and your relationship status on Facebook still says “single”. All your friends want to know where things are going with this dude—and to be honest, so do you.
The last thing you want to do is rock the boat or come across as desperate and needy, though, so you’ve resisted raising the subject with him. Besides, isn’t it up to the guy to decide if you’re in a relationship or not?
The answer to that is no. Deciding whether to date each other exclusively is something both you and the guy should have a hand in. If he were even remotely serious about you, the conversation wouldn’t scare him. In fact, he would welcome talking about it with you and might even be relieved that you were the one who brought it up first.
How to ask where it’s going without chasing him away
It doesn’t have to be a scary conversation, says Vanessa Marin, a sex and relationship therapist from San Francisco. As long as you don’t get worked up about it beforehand, you should be fine. And don’t worry about sounding desperate or needy, either. Nobody’s saying you have to set a wedding date or discuss how many children you’re going to have together. You just want to know if he sees a future with you, and if so, is he ready to talk about how you’re both going to navigate that road together?
The more straightforward you are with bringing up the issue, the better. Vanessa suggests saying something like, “Hey, I know we’ve been seeing each other a lot lately. I just want to make sure that we’re on the same page with where this is going.” If he asks what you’re trying to imply, be honest. Tell him that you like him a lot and can see yourself being with him exclusively, and ask if he feels the same way about you. If he is after something serious or long-term with you, he will say yes, and that should keep the conversation going. If he doesn’t feel the same way, he may or may not be upfront about it, but his response – or non-response – will give you an inkling as to how he’s feeling. And then you can decide if you want to keep seeing him, or move on.
What if he tells you that he isn’t sure about the future but still wants to keep seeing you for the time being? Vanessa says that if being in a committed relationship is important to you then you should definitely stand up for what you want. If he tells you he just needs a bit more time – and seems sincere about it – then you might want to consider sticking around.
Signs he wants a relationship with you
To find out if he’s worth having the “where is this going?” talk to begin with, Vanessa says to look for these 10 signs to see if he’s serious about you.