There is no politically correct or nice way to put it. Ugly shoes are the footwear version of Michael Cera—you overlook him because “what the actual f**k, why does he look like that?!” and decide to move on to shinier things like Goslings (Gianvito Rossi), Centineohs (Christian Louboutin) and Ludy Lins (Jimmy Choos). They’re pretty, they’ll put a smile on your face and it’s hard to imagine your parents being reproachful about them. Heck, they might even make you feel so G*d damn fly that you make a better effort to excel in life because erm, bees make honey and A’s make money.
But when you’re sick of ~*~shiny pretty~*~ things because they have a track record of literally biting you (we’re talking about the shoes…unless….) it’s time to do the dirty. You know, ugly shoes that oddly, never seem to hurt unlike the odd uncalled-for comments your colleagues will give you. What do they know though? This writer writes about fashion for a living. Stay in your lane sisters.
Here, some of our perennials favourites and the addition of a few more fuglies. Who cares if your date thinks they’re ugly because dude, eyes all the way up here, please. TYVM.
This review was brought to you by the BFG, aka the Bitchy Fashion Guy. The BFG likes drinking like a sorority girl during summer break, buying clothing without a care for fiscal responsibility and the occasional 4am 20 McNuggets box binge. For more of his reviews, click here.
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