It’s true, breaking up is hard to do. But why is it so hard for us girls to accept the truth when our relationships have more than hit a rough patch and is heading down south faster than we can say “whatttttttttt????” Many of us choose to live in denial and psych ourselves into thinking that if we tried harder, our relationship would miraculously go back into the honeymoon phase.
But perhaps it’s time for a wakeup call and pull the plug before you fall into a perma-miserable state. Often enough, you’ll find that “plus one” is indeed the loneliest number. It’s better to invest in a relationship with yourself than trying to find love in a hopeless place.
- He’s into you, but he’s into him more
Ask yourself this question: Does the man you’re dating truly worship the ground that you walk on? Or does he think you should be constantly working on complementing him since he walks on water? I’m not talking about showering you with material goods, but a man who’s really into you would shower you with love and attention – no questions asked. He does it because he wants to and you truly deserve it. But if he’s always finding ways to criticise you, pick on you or tell you how you can improve yourself, maybe it’s time to rethink your relationship. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks you have to work to deserve being with him? Erm… who does he think he is again?
- There’s never an “us”
He makes decisions and plans on his own terms without ever giving you and your feelings a second thought. Basically, this is the dude who thinks your life should revolve around his, and sadly, he’ll never pay you the same respect he thinks he deserves. There’s no telling him what he can or cannot do, and you’re always an afterthought. He’ll claim that he needs his space and freedom to be who he is, but a guy who can’t make decisions with his partner in mind is a selfish creep, and no matter how much you give in to his demands, it’s never going to be enough. This is the sort of guy that would make you wonder if you’re actually even in a relationship and sweetie, I’ll say this once: You do not want to be with someone (even if he looks like Ryan Gosling or gives your multiple orgasms) who makes you doubt yourself and feel absolutely lonely 99% of the time. A vibrator would do you more favours than the “me, me, me” boyfriend.
- You’re his dirty little secret
No one knows you even exist. If they do, your relationship status will always be kept ambiguous because to him, it’s always, “Babe, I hate statuses. Why bother when we’re having fun together right?” He might not exactly be ashamed of you but here’s the truth (and you might not like it): Your so-called boyfriend just wants to have his cake and eat it. Meaning, he is keeping his options open and it’s gonna be that way for a very long time. Spare yourself the heartache and GTFO before you find out you’re just one of the many sidepieces.
- His friends hate you and you can never win
Truth be told, it’s not about winning. But when your boyfriend’s friends somehow don’t like you (and you’re just being you) but instead of sticking up for you, he cares so much about appearances and starts picking on you – sector 8 warning bells are going off. Girl, let’s face it. He’s always going to listen to his so-called friends and will never be on your side – don’t try to convince him for the 100th time and please don’t pretend to be someone that you’re not. OK, maybe you have a RBF, maybe you come off as “too in-your-face”, but do you really want to change yourself so people who don’t even bother to try to get to know you, can bully you? I feel that no normal human being should walk into a room and demand respect, and yes, we all need to earn it. But being judged on first impressions or pre-conceived notions is a pretty shitty feeling, and if your boy can’t put himself in your shoes (‘cos god forbids he ever steps on someone’s toes), you’re on the losing end and will always be if you stick around and fight a lost cause.
Images: Oleksandr Mudretsov / 123RF.com, Sergey Nivens / 123RF.com
Text: Alicia Tan