Regardless of how long you’ve been in the dating scene, you’d probably agree that dating is hard to navigate. Some people fall in love at first sight, some fall in love with friends. But past the dating period, how do you know he’s The One?
Some say it’s the golden number of 90 days (or three months), while others say there is no timeline to this at all. TLC’s documentary series, 90 Day Fiancé, follows the story of five couples who fell in love in foreign countries, but only has 90 days to decide if the other is The One before their visa expires.
If you’re in love with a foreigner who’s travelling as a social visitor, you might be able to relate. But regardless, it makes us think: how do we know your partner is The One? We asked dating experts at dating agency Lunch Actually for tips.
1. You both want the same thing
It’s very important from the start, to be upfront about what you are looking for—be it a casual relationship or a serious one—so that it doesn’t lead to misunderstandings. If you both have a different idea of where the relationship is going, it’s best to not waste your time on it.
2. He has the Significant qualities that you need in a long-term partner
We all have this ideal picture of how we want our partner to be like. Perhaps we want someone who’s handsome, tall, good-looking, sociable, outgoing, etc. But when it comes down to it, all of these are not important because these are Superficial criteria. They don’t necessarily translate to them being a good boyfriend or husband. Many singles make the mistake of rejecting potential partners that may not fit into their superficial criteria—even when they actually fulfill your Significant criteria. In the end, you are the one who’s missing out.
3. You embrace each other’s imperfections
Many people go into a relationship or marriage thinking everything will be perfect. But since we are humans, we can never be perfect. If two imperfect people come together, there are sure to be some imperfections along the way. The question is, what do we do about it? When you have habits that he finds annoying (and vice versa), how does he deal with it? Does he regularly complain, scold you, or make you feel bad? Or does he learn to accept your imperfections just like you will learn to accept his? It shows his character and whether he’s worth keeping.
4. You genuinely like spending time with him
Being with someone in a long-term relationship or marriage means spending a LOT of time together. You don’t just meet him when you both are on a fancy date or having a special occasion—you see him every day and night. Is he your best friend? Are you able to share your real thoughts, feelings and secrets with him? If given a choice, would you like to spend 24 hours, 7 days a week with him? If the answer is yes, he’s likely to be The One.
5. He cares about you beyond just your relationship with him
For example, if he knows that you are close to your family, he would make the effort to join your family gatherings. The same goes for your career or life goals. He understands that you take your career seriously, and he would support and encourage you to learn new skills and improve yourself. He doesn’t limit your growth and genuinely wants you to pursue your life’s ambition. He understands that loving you means loving all the baggage that comes with you—whether he views it negatively or otherwise.
90 Day Fiancé airs on TLC, SingTel TV Channel 254 on Fridays at 9.55pm.